I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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