I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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