ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
