Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
