So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
