So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
