Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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