Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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