Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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