I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
