lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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