if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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