i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
