Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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