Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize