When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
