I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
