and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
