everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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