she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize