the condom got lost in my hair
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize