My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am full of burrito and curiosity
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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