So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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