Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
