I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
