we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
