Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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