Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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