I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
