CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
