My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
