Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
