Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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