...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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