Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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