i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
