my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
