he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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