there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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