just come out here and I will go home with you...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize