While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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