Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
