I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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