hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
