it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
