Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Still dying that you shit outside
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
