I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
