Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
