Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this beer tastes like vomit already
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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