girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
