you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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