dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
