Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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