6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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