i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize