he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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