So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
