we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
