I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
