i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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