literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
