the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
