U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The air taste purple.
Randomize
