Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
