When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I could fuck to npr.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
