wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
