can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
