mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
