hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
