she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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