oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
