I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize