you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
