Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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