Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
