Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
