How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
