loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We got so high we made milksteak
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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