Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
