He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
